In the night of the cold winter
Snowflakes of lonliness and sorrows fell from the skies
Walking alone in the crowded road
Looking around
People were in pairs
Celebrating Christmas'Eve
Felt empty
Tears rolled down from the pale cheeks
Drop by drop
Fell onto the freezing pathway
Every snowflake fells on the bare hand
A beautiful snowflake melted into a puddle of water
Unstable and awkward
Iit seems rather neat after sometimes
The snowing has stop
Rainbow appeared above the noisy air
Looking at it
Life wasn't despair
Felt refreshed and was free from the lake of depression
Stood up and is ready for the upcoming challenges
I WILL NEVER GIVE UP
This will be the last lonely christmas I will ever been through
The clock struck 12
Merry Christmas all
May all your christmas wishes come true........
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7 comments:
nice poem .. will be better if more rhyming words were added
okk....thanks for the compliments....
Hmm dun mind me giving comment...
1st line i wana make comment ler xD
"In the winter" shuld put it as.. erm something like one cold winter night.. In the winter, too brief.mus describle the winter how cold it is.. xD 2nd line okok although the thing drop at night is not snowflake xD..
Looking around
People were in pairs
Celebrating Christmas'Eve
Felt empty
okok..
Tears rolled down from the pale cheeks...erm abit to fast le mayb. can explain how bitter you feel 1st instead of wepting alr.
line 12/13 "A beautiful snowflake melted into a puddle of water"
"Unstable and hideous" hmm mayb hideous is too strong to describle ler..
"However it seems rather neat after sometimes"
can cancel "However it" cuz made the line look abt long.
"The snowing has stop"seems rather simple
nx line, abit unrealistic unless you wan to fantasize it, cuz onli when rain stop can create a rainbow xD..and noisy air? not sky?
nx 2 line okok you wana turn it into something strong. but got too strong ler, your nx line"I WILL NEVER GIVE UP" i chua tio! suden cap lock... wakaka..
"This will be the last lonely christmas I will ever been through"dun mind me help to rephrase
,not so determined lar, jus put "may this b the las~~~~~~"
ok lar last 3 line i wan comment ler ^^
Nx time...
Thanks for the corrections and comments.....
Will improve nxt in the nxt poem
eh not bad sia.but felt that some sentences like too long le.cant fit,cause some long some short then not rhyme.anyway its nice.=]
this poem is NICE.. i felt so sad.. feel lyk crying after reading tat.. sobzzz.... :)
Thank you for the comments
Will improve on it
thanks alot
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